Waiting
by Aqua-Chuu
Summary: When James leaves to fulfill and Order Mission, lily Evans finds herself locked up in Godric's Hollow, away from all life and alone with her worries. JamesLily with a dash of RemusLily


Lily doesn't like it when James' laughter doesn't fill the room. The way his hair and his air of confidence smells, the scent of his moist lips almost touching hers ; it seems forgotten, and that's not even the worst part.  
  
She knows that he has left on a mission for the Order , having been called away from her because of this raging war, leaving her alone in their old house, waiting motionless on the edge of her chair.

'I'll come back soon, I promise.' James says before he kisses her on her forehead and leaves the room in a shared mourning.   
She sits in their favorite chair, a piece of wood that ironically enough was decorated with lions, carved out of the thick wood. 

She barely has nails anymore. If they don't break off naturally, she's bitten them off, while awaiting her husband's return. She doesn't leave her spot; she won't until he's back and she can fold her arms around his neck and hold him forever.

The ticking of the clock has begun to get on her tempered nerves, and she twitches.

_Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic._

Air is being forced into her lungs with roughness, and although she is tempted to hold it in, she sighs. She sighs like she never has before, breathing out as much air as she can, trying to emit all of her worries into it, as though they can be pushed out of her mind, through her mouth.

She wants to shriek, wants to scream all her fears away, but she knows that they would be absorbed by the lonely atmosphere of the house, by its dust and its darkness. It's a place made out of glorious dreams, but it's a nightmare without any escape.

_Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic._

She shifts in her seat and strokes the lion that is carved out of the marble on her left armrest, and it seemed to blink. She watches it carefully, trying to force a smile to her lips. When she notices she is failing miserably, she directs her gaze to the wall in front of her.  
  
She can't see anything but him now. His untidy black mass of hair shimmers like it's never done before and his eyes glare mischievously in her direction; she can't do anything but grin. It's a stupid grin, she knows, but she also knows he wouldn't care. He loves her.

' I love you.' James grinned happily.

Lily smiled back at him, taking his hand in hers. 'You know, James, I just felt our baby kicking.'

'_Really?' He sounded surprised, but nonetheless cheerful._

_She nodded_

_. 'Feel it.' She whispered, and pushed his hand onto her stomachConcentrating deeply, James stared at his hand, brushing his it against her, and a moment later, he lets out a shriek of pleasure._

'_Indeed!' He yelled happily, and pulled her in a tender embrace. _

'_Be careful , for the baby.' She said, but he already noticed it and broke apart, still grinning heavily._

'I love you too, James.' She whispered in his ear.

Shaking, she turns her head to the door that parts the living room from the outside. She pictures him out there somewhere, pulling himself through the dangerous mission he's been assigned, praying that he could return home once more.

Maybe he isn't even here, in this world, anymore.

Could he be reunited with all the friends they have lost in this war? Gathered up in the unknown, leaving her alone in their dusty home until the day she leaves earth too? She can imagine him embracing them- numerous families murdered at the hand of Voldemort and his minions, now finally reunited again.

A swift bolt of green, a life destroyed, and she would never see him again. It could happen easily; maybe a Deatheater noticed his actions and killed him immediately? Or did they torture him until he gave up the courage to live?

She shakes her head in disgust.

No. It can't be.

He is alive.

She closes her eyes, her world sinking down into a welcome darkness behind her eyelids, and she sighs. It feels like there is no air left in her body and she is content with that.

Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic.

She is afraid.

Admitting it seems the worst part, but it is true. She is afraid for his life, for theirs. If she could have done anything to keep her husband from joining the Order, she would've. But he was stubborn - he had always been.

'No, Lily, I have to.' He shook his head, closing his fingertips around her shoulders. 'Trust me.'

'James, this is too dangerous.' Silent tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, but he didn't notice them. 'Please don't go.'

'I have to.' He answered, avoiding her gaze.

'Think about the baby.' She whispered, her voice shaking, but her husband broke contact and quickly darted off to the door.

'I'll come back soon, Lily, don't be afraid. I have to serve our society. It's in danger, and we have to face that. I can't just sit here and watch, and you know that.'

Tears finally breaking through the barricades she had so carefully placed, she knocked a nearby lamp of its table. She knew he was right.

Everything hurts; thinking, moving, and even looking. A sharp sting cuts through her body and she can't do anything but shriek. She tries to scream, but something is stuck in her throat and all sound hitches and will not leave her mouth.

Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic. Tic.

Her breathe is drawn out of her lungs , she places her fingertips to her tear-strained cheeks. They feel raw and harsh, and she strokes them as gently as she can.

Suddenly, she hears a _crack_, and looks up at the door with widened eyes.

He's there, he's there! He's back! He's alive! 

She watches as a tall figure enters the room and her surprise, and disappointment, is enormous when she sees that it is Remus Lupin is walking towards her.

'I-I thought you may be in need of some comfort?' He sat down next to her.

With a swift movement, she flies into Remus' arms, embracing him; breaking down in sobs and yelling until her lungs collapse. She screams, she weeps, but all Remus does is stroke her back.

She weeps in his arms for a long time before she looks him in the face and says: 'If I hadn't had you, Remus.'

She buries her head back into his chest.

Remus pulls her tighter against him, grinning ferociously over her shoulder.


End file.
